“If you want different, you have to move different.”
I am in the midst of a transition and it is already an uncomfortable process. Being in this quarantine, at times I found myself thinking. A LOT. Social media had become pretty boring. My lack of interest in television scratched that off the list as a source of entertainment.
One thing I will give myself props for doing during this time is reading a book, something that I had not done for leisure in an amount of time that I am ashamed of. The name of the book is “The Art of Letting Go” by Thought Catalog. It is available through the Books app via Apple, if you are interested in this great read. This book not only gave me clarity on what I am currently going through, but ministered to my soul.
I already knew what demons I was facing but I tried my best to convince myself I had everything under control. It is okay to not be okay. It is okay to feel and go through the motions. To be human is to feel. It is okay to not know what to do and where to go.
But one thing I do know is that I want different for myself, and you should too. Become aware of your self-destructive habits and try to improve on them. When I am being addressed or confronted, I have become defensive because I am sensitive to criticism. I am aware that in the past I have sought comfort in the likes of men that did not deserve me just for validation. At times I behave off of impulse to later process what I did and wish I took another route.
A harsh reality that I kept blinding myself from, because of “wanting to be nice”, is exposing myself to people that did not deserve me. Being nice and assertive are two different things, and there is nothing wrong with stating what is acceptable for you. I am a limited edition, exclusive to myself and those that I deem fit to be exposed to such a rare commodity. We are all rare commodities, after all there is only one Tyeshia with my DNA composition walking around here on Earth, and there is only one YOU, too.
Knowing who you are, or even on your way to becoming will shift your mindset on what you choose to expose yourself to. I have come to understand and recognize who I want to be and what I want to represent. Sometimes, a shift in your company is the very thing you need to change your life.
Taking the time to analyze self and truly recognize your worth is something that can only make you grow. A part of my daily affirmation is:
“I see my worth when I look in the mirror. I know my worth when I think of all the things I bring to the table. I am everything and then some. I am a wonder to many. I am blessed.
God created me. They cannot deny me.”
Believe and receive that for yourself as well. Step one of living out loud and being all that you can be is the awareness of who you are. It’s time to get into the position.